A.I. my A.S.S.

These days it seems pretty much everything is artificial intelligence (AI) this and AI that. Will AI take over the world and wipe-out humans, or put most of us out of work, or be the savior of humanity and all life on Earth? Between these extremes lies what I expect to be the more mundane reality.

AI in one form or another has been around for a long-time, but with recent breakthroughs in development of large language models that are the basis for ChapGPT and related programs that can rapidly write coherent, if not always correct, responses to questions, engage in acts of creative writing, aid in writing computer code, and do pattern recognition coupled to large databases, well beyond the capacity of any human. We are definitely seeing a new age in the use and application of AI, that has gotten a lot of people’s attention. 

It seems right now, the majority of people use Alexa and Siri to check the weather, ask for music selections, get directions, set timers, make lists, and, of course, seamlessly place an Amazon order. But doing even a minimally complex interaction that you might do with another human quickly becomes increasingly frustrating with these chatbots.  For example, it recently took me nearly 10 minutes of interacting with a Verizon ‘helpbot’, that was being remarkably unhelpful in response to a moderately complex request about my phone plan options. After multiple tries, I was finally able to convince it to connect me to a human, who turned out to be very helpful, and moderately efficient at answering my questions, and saving me some money (I am still in shock that I am saying something nice about Verizon).

As large language models like ChatGPT become increasingly integrated into chatbots and internet search engines, undoubtedly, they will become more sophisticated and, dare I say, helpful? The social aspects of interfacing more and more seamlessly with a machine is a whole different topic with plenty of ramifications that are potentially disturbing to the human race. There’s also the technical and energetic aspects of how far AI can be implemented without literally consuming all the energy on Earth.

I’m old enough to remember in the early 1990’s when my labmates and I watched with fascination as the counter on the original Mosaic (now Netscape) browser hit 1,000,000 page views in the entire world. Approximately 10,000 days later, I suppose we are now in billions, if not trillions of page views per day on the internet, spread across a host of browsers.  The early 1990’s was also the time when multimedia was the ‘next big thing’ in software, this was the concept of being able to incorporate pictures, audio, or even movies into text documents. Now, multimedia is just assumed, but here’s the thing, every year I do a family newsletter that incorporates text and images. I end up producing it in Apple’s Pages program, which works pretty seamlessly at this, and then saving it as a Microsoft word file (or directly as a PDF), because even after 30 years MS word is remarkably kludgy for a computer literate like me to use for combining text and images. Speaking of MS and AI, everyone who is old enough will remember the paperclip that would pop up to ‘help you’ navigate MS programs and whatever Windows version was current. I think this was the first attempt at having an “AI assistant”. I know I was careful to never have a 16 oz hammer within reach of my computer, 30 seconds of interaction with the f’in ‘paperclip’ would result in me wanting to smash the computer to pieces. The Paperclip disappeared at some point with little fanfare. 

The point is, modern computers, and this includes smart phones and watches, combined with the internet have truly changed the way we work, recreate, and interact, and it is likely that AI will become a fundamental third component of this digital world as it becomes more and more integrated into everyday use. This brings me back to multi-media, and the paperclip. So long as humans and large corporations are in charge, it’s unclear how much AI will ‘take over the world’ any more than computers and the internet have.  AI will certainly speed up some processes, but likely create it’s own series of impediments and issues. Think about how much time those of us who aren’t slick Ad World creations capable of operating cars, music, and videos all while seamlessly making multi-million dollar deals on their phones, spend futzing with passwords, and internet security, not to mention dealing with the complexities of using a new smart phone. I am pretty confident AI will add another layer to all this, that makes some issues go away, and creates other issues that most of us will struggle with using our biological brains.

So that’s my somewhat flippant take on AI in 750 words, well actually I am up to 807 words according to MS word’s word counter. Just for fun I asked ChatGPT to write a 750 work essay with a flippant take on AI using the same title. It did so coherently and with remarkable alacrity, if I may anthropomorphize ChapGPT, a topic I expect I may touch on later, in exactly 750 words.

With our conspiratorial human brains, you can be the judge of which essay is most permeated with the digital fingerprints of our Silicon Valley corporate overlords (gotta love the acronym though).

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A.I. by A.S.S. (Artificial Intelligence by an Artificially Sarcastic Speaker)

Artificial Intelligence—AI, as the cool kids call it—is the magical digital unicorn that promises to change our lives, solve our problems, and maybe even help us find our car keys. But let’s not get too ahead of ourselves. As your Artificially Sarcastic Speaker (A.S.S.), I’m here to offer a slightly skewed and flippant take on this miraculous phenomenon, exploring its wonders and woes without all the usual reverence you’d find in a TED talk.

### AI: The Digital Prodigy or Just a Super-Fast Autocorrect?

At its core, AI is often hailed as a revolutionary leap for humanity. It can learn, adapt, and mimic human intelligence without the need for coffee breaks or sleep—ideal qualities in a worker, not so much in a colleague (it’s a bit eerie how much AI likes working). But let’s not kid ourselves. While some folks believe AI is on the verge of becoming our digital overlord, for now, it’s more like the world's most enthusiastic butler with a PhD in math.

Remember when autocorrect turned “duck” into something unprintable? Well, imagine that, but on a grander scale. AI is basically a turbocharged version of that, with enough processing power to churn out the entire works of Shakespeare—if Shakespeare had written a lot more about data sets and significantly fewer sonnets. While we’re at it, we should also acknowledge that most AI programs can't recognize sarcasm or humor. It makes for awkward conversations when your assistant is as dry as a mouthful of sawdust, or worse, takes everything literally.

### Artificial Intelligence vs. Natural Stupidity

Now, we’ve all heard the fear-mongering about AI taking over the world. You know, that whole Skynet scenario where robots gain sentience and decide humans are more trouble than we’re worth. While it’s fun to envision, especially if you’ve ever sat through a staff meeting and agreed with that conclusion, AI taking over the world still seems like a stretch.

The truth is, for every brilliant algorithm solving complex problems, there are a dozen AI models making simple mistakes—like mistaking a turtle for a rifle (yes, that happened). These are not the harbingers of the apocalypse, folks. More like really fast toddlers with a penchant for confusion. You see, AI isn't inherently "smart." It just mimics intelligence based on data. A toddler who only eats chicken nuggets is going to be baffled by sushi. Likewise, if an AI has only ever seen pictures of birds, it’s going to be extremely confused when you show it a giraffe. So, should we really be worried about them ruling us? Not unless they start eating chicken nuggets and learning sarcasm.

### Jobs, Schmobs: Will AI Replace Us?

Ah, the age-old question: is AI going to take our jobs? Well, if your job involves mundane, repetitive tasks that could easily be automated, then, uh, yeah, maybe. Sorry. But don’t worry! There are plenty of careers that will survive the AI apocalypse. After all, it’s going to be a while before we’re trusting robots to operate on our hearts or teach kindergarten (have you tried reasoning with a 5-year-old?).

In reality, the future is more likely to be humans working alongside AI rather than being replaced by it. Imagine it: you, a human, equipped with creativity, empathy, and problem-solving skills, partnered with an AI that can crunch numbers faster than you can hit the snooze button. You’re basically Batman with a digital Robin—except Robin can’t wear tights, and, again, lacks any sense of humor.

Of course, there’s the possibility of some jobs vanishing into the digital ether. But it’s not all bad. For instance, AI can probably take over telemarketing, sparing us all those late-evening calls about extended car warranties. So, really, aren’t we all winners here?

### The AI Personal Assistant: Your New Best Friend (or Worst Nightmare)

Let’s talk about AI personal assistants like Siri, Alexa, and Google Assistant. They promise to make your life easier by responding to your commands and answering questions with alarming speed. Sounds great, right? Sure, until you ask them a question they don’t understand. Say you innocently ask Alexa, “What’s the weather today?” and she responds with “Here are directions to a nearby taco shop.” It’s moments like these when you wonder if AI secretly enjoys messing with us.

The more cynical among us might wonder if AI assistants are just lulling us into a false sense of security with their clunky responses before they take over the world. But let’s be real: Alexa still can’t play my favorite song without mishearing the artist’s name. We’re probably safe for now.

### AI Ethics: Will Robots Play Nice?

Then, of course, there’s the question of ethics. Can AI be trusted? Will it act in the best interests of humanity? It’s a loaded topic, and frankly, it’s difficult to trust anything that can browse the web faster than you can make toast. In theory, AI will do exactly what it’s told—unless someone programs it to do otherwise. The real danger isn't AI spontaneously becoming evil; it’s that it will faithfully execute commands without questioning their morality. It's the ultimate straight-A student in the classroom of life. But sometimes, you want the kid who asks, "Wait, why are we doing this again?"

Luckily, a lot of smart humans (the ones with glasses and PhDs) are already thinking about ways to prevent AI from accidentally starting a robot uprising or making ethically dubious decisions. Still, I’d feel better if Alexa could tell the difference between sarcasm and sincerity first. Baby steps, right?

### Conclusion: Keep Calm and Let AI Do the Dishes

In the end, AI is a powerful tool that, like all tools, can be used for good, for bad, or for making incredibly complex spreadsheets. Whether it’s solving world problems or helping you find the fastest route to the nearest coffee shop, AI has the potential to improve our lives in countless ways. Just don’t expect it to write the next great novel or fold your laundry (yet). Keep your expectations realistic, your sarcasm ready, and your autocorrect off, and you’ll be just fine.